Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
sweet redemption
it feels SOOOO GOOD!
i feel like this has been a long time coming. i knew i didn't deserve to be treated that way.. by anyone!
my mental state of mind was so off for a long time. i apologize for that immature post about "the best way to get over a girl..."
i was sort of just in this place of denial and pain. the things i endured put my logic into a blender and that was the end result. crazy ryan..
heres the thing.. the last few girls i was seeing were nucking futs! i put my all and invested my heart only to be abandoned with not even the slightest explanation. like "oh he'll understand.." and it's crazy some sort of memo must have gone out cause it wasn't just one girl that did that to me it was many.... like do i have a sign on my back or something. wtf. all those girls whom i deem a disgrace to their gender made me doubt myself. made me doubt who i was and killed what little confidence and self esteem i had. you don't treat someone like that. it was one of the worst parts of my life thus far. imagine building up to what seemed like a great relationship, investing a lot of yourself, your feelings, your thoughts, your energy, your time, only to be deserted there. and there you are just wondering wtf happened. do you know what kind of stuff that does to your brain? your heart?!!
i was made to feel inadequate, unattractive, unwanted... i deeply questioned what was wrong with ME?... but it was the wrong question. it was wtf was wrong with THEM!... cause now i know there IS nothing wrong with me. i'm just a regular guy. but a regular guy who a couple girls thought it would be fun to play games with... at the detriment of my own soul.
see i've met someone, and shes great! and it wasn't until being with her, and talking with her, chilling with her, that i realized there is nothing wrong with me at all.. it was all them. normal girls don't behave that way asking "why do you like me?" or "where is this going" just anything to make you question yourself. anyways none of that matters now. i'm happy with my life, happy with her! she makes me happy, and she makes me feel good about myself, and for a change she actually knows what SHE wants. smart, funny, SUPER intelligent, interesting, and beautiful!
i feel like this has been a long time coming. i knew i didn't deserve to be treated that way.. by anyone!
my mental state of mind was so off for a long time. i apologize for that immature post about "the best way to get over a girl..."
i was sort of just in this place of denial and pain. the things i endured put my logic into a blender and that was the end result. crazy ryan..
heres the thing.. the last few girls i was seeing were nucking futs! i put my all and invested my heart only to be abandoned with not even the slightest explanation. like "oh he'll understand.." and it's crazy some sort of memo must have gone out cause it wasn't just one girl that did that to me it was many.... like do i have a sign on my back or something. wtf. all those girls whom i deem a disgrace to their gender made me doubt myself. made me doubt who i was and killed what little confidence and self esteem i had. you don't treat someone like that. it was one of the worst parts of my life thus far. imagine building up to what seemed like a great relationship, investing a lot of yourself, your feelings, your thoughts, your energy, your time, only to be deserted there. and there you are just wondering wtf happened. do you know what kind of stuff that does to your brain? your heart?!!
i was made to feel inadequate, unattractive, unwanted... i deeply questioned what was wrong with ME?... but it was the wrong question. it was wtf was wrong with THEM!... cause now i know there IS nothing wrong with me. i'm just a regular guy. but a regular guy who a couple girls thought it would be fun to play games with... at the detriment of my own soul.
see i've met someone, and shes great! and it wasn't until being with her, and talking with her, chilling with her, that i realized there is nothing wrong with me at all.. it was all them. normal girls don't behave that way asking "why do you like me?" or "where is this going" just anything to make you question yourself. anyways none of that matters now. i'm happy with my life, happy with her! she makes me happy, and she makes me feel good about myself, and for a change she actually knows what SHE wants. smart, funny, SUPER intelligent, interesting, and beautiful!
finally i met a real girl. finally i have my redemption... .
Saturday, April 3, 2010
where is my mind these days?
i sure don't know.
no take backs only take forwards!
i don't have much of an explanation for my behavior or mental state. nor do i feel obligated to provide one. all i can say truly is i am lost and desperately need to be found. . . . new tumblr thing recent endeavor if you can call it that. check for bits and bobs there now and then mostly just my flicks.
thanks for your concern.
no take backs only take forwards!
i don't have much of an explanation for my behavior or mental state. nor do i feel obligated to provide one. all i can say truly is i am lost and desperately need to be found. . . . new tumblr thing recent endeavor if you can call it that. check for bits and bobs there now and then mostly just my flicks.
thanks for your concern.
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